Coming out

Unrelated to my previous post, this one is about all those cowards who hide behind their smartphones and laptops.

Long ago, not so far in the past that a 90’s kid couldn't remember, but long enough for the Facebook generation to not know, there was the era of pen pals. You could develop a friendship with a person across the globe or country just by corresponding through letters over a period of time, and perhaps never meet, or even know what the other person looked like. Remember, these were dark times, much before the internet came into being. The need to meet such a pen friend was completely alien to most people, and there was a certain beauty in retaining that level of anonymity, the fun of not-knowing, not just for then, but not ever.

When I was a little girl, out of the million fantasies I had of meeting my knight in shining armour, one of them was this- falling in love with a faceless entity, someone with whom I corresponded through words and formed an opinion of solely based on their ideas. It was a wonderful romanticism, and I hoped I would have the fortune to meet my soul mate this way when I was older. Today, this is one of the sharp memories I have that make me want to travel back in time to hold my younger self condescendingly to my bosom and exclaim, “Oh, Resh!”

I could have never foreseen what life would be like with this much internet, and this much reachability. On one hand, not only is it annoyingly intrusive of one’s personal space, but it has made us all so comfortable in our respective spaces that we choose to hide behind the solace of virtual communication, and have forgotten what it is like to actually have a face-to-face conversation with someone.

Let’s be honest with ourselves, when we want to fix an appointment with a friend, how many of us prefer watsapp-ing the person over a 20-minute period instead of making a more seemingly convenient 2-minute phone-call? I had a friend I met over Facebook once, and he told me that he preferred texting, even though it took us longer to get through a conversation on sms than it would actually take on a live phone call. What was it? Did my voice intimidate him? I figured out the reason later. He came up with a lot of witty one-liners when we were texting, but was perpetually at a loss of words when we conversed in real time. Texting gives you the luxury of taking your time to carefully construct your answer, editing your words before you put them out there. I am not comfortable with this level of deception, however small. I seldom edit my writing for the same reason.

Going one step further, the brave ones will still prefer to talk over the phone, exchange emails, or text over meeting in person. ‘I don’t do very well with virtual communication’, I offer as explanation when I offer to meet a person first, and I can almost hear the voice in their head judging me on being so forward. But the minute a person replies to that with, ‘I'm sorry, I don’t do very well with meeting face-to-face’, I am utterly disappointed. Why? What do you have to hide?

The number of people I have met who are complete smooth-talkers over text, the internet and even the phone (the braver ones) but somehow turn into surprisingly lukewarm individuals when meeting in person is alarming. I try really hard to not be judgemental, but I gauge a lot about the level of honesty a person has to offer based on this one aspect. I am the exact same person when I text, when I blog, when I Facebook, when I chat, when I converse over the phone or when I meet someone in person. Even when I teach. I do not know how to be otherwise. I cannot comprehend how you can have different personalities for every medium of communication.

I wish more people would come out of the smartphone closet and consent to meeting in person if they are interested in you (me). I honestly wouldn't want my time wasted on someone who can be a charming and witty online and a complete douche-bag in person. We could save each other a lot of hurt, over-thinking and who-is-going-to-text first drama if we could all just be honest with each other, not just from our touch-screens, but in the flesh.

I will still fall in love with you over your words, just allow me to see the honesty in them. Don’t give me the edited versions. I don’t want them.