I'm sorry, celebrating what?

Independence day is upon us, and I find it a laughable concept. 

Last night, my sister asked me before going to bed, whether I’d be accompanying her to our school today, for the flag hoisting ceremony in the morning (My family usually does this every year on this day, a chance to go back to our childhood happy place, and don our patriotic shoes.)  In reply to her question, I had a dazed expression on my face. All I have been thinking about since Monday is how I’m lucky enough to get some extra sleep this Thursday because it’s a holiday. I should’ve felt guilty (like I did the two years I didn’t follow this ritual because I was working on my college festival), but I didn’t. Independence? What Independence?

I’m a 25 year old woman who lives with my parents. I considered moving out once, a few months ago, and getting my own place. Most of you who read this would’ve immediately thought, ‘Why, what happened? Did you have a fight with your family?’ No, I just needed my own space, but that’s exactly what my folks failed to understand. My mother threatened to disown me, because that’s not how we’re supposed  to think’ in our culture’. The only way you can leave home is if you’re estranged from your family, have to work/study in another city, married, or dead. Living in another house in the same city as your parents is not a topic that is up for discussion. I love my family to bits, and I can get very needy about them, I may not even be able to live without them, but where’s the freedom if I don’t even have the option of moving out? And so is the case of many women, where the concept of living separately is absurd. Let’s make a note here, that if you’re a 25 year old man who is looking for a house, it’s perfectly acceptable, because , you know, what if he wants to live separately after shaadi-vaadi and all, or just wants his own bachelor pad where he can party and drink and brood and sleep around. That’s okay, because he’s a guy, and guys need such things.  And women don’t? I can go on about this and quote Tabu’s speech from the climax of ‘Astitva’, but you get the idea.

 

Moving on, let’s talk about arranged marriage. I am blessed to have parents from whom I feel absolutely no pressure to get married. They understand what I want from life is different (for now), and they’re temporarily happy because I have a decent job and want to study further. But wait. Why should I be lucky to have this? Shouldn’t parents naturally support your choices if they make you happy and you’re doing the right thing? I feel lucky because of the countless examples I see around me, of friends who are being pushed into arranged matches. Some of them willingly enter the pit, for two reasons. One is that they genuinely believe they will meet their ’soulmate’ this way and want that for themselves – I have great respect for individuals who make this choice. The other are those who walk into it willingly because even if it’s not what they want, it’s how things are ‘supposed to be’ , what society expects from them, and they just have to ‘settle down’, whether they want to or not. Then of course, there are those who are given no choice, and become victims of this fish market of brides and grooms because this is the way it’s done. They cannot question authority because they believe this is their fate, even if their dreams are different. My heart goes out to those girls (and boys) who are sold on their education, qualities, and how much gold they can bring against their will.

Freedom is not an alien concept to adults alone. I see adolescents in my classes who are bullied very often. Because they’re different. Because they choose to study rather than party. Because they have a name that’s weird and funny, but probably means something beautiful to their parents. Because they have romantic feelings for someone. Because they don’t conform to their gender stereotype.  Because they’re too quiet and scared to retort to the jeers of their peers. Having been bullied myself as a child, I can feel every bit of their pain that comes from the lack of freedom to fight against their oppressors, or to just be left alone, to be who they are.

Not to mention how everyone already feels oppressed by the education system, and how confined we feel by the curriculum designed by the university. There’s so much fun stuff I want to do to extract genuine curiosity and a love for mathematics, but is curtailed by the rote-learning process that must be followed to pass the University exams. I try to evade this as much as possible, but sometimes I find my hands hopelessly tied by the rules that are considered absolute. I am a teacher, without much freedom to teach in a way that will truly make my students fall in love with the subject, no matter how hard I try to jump through the loopholes.

I wrote about these because they affect me personally. Of course, there are issues far greater than my private battles. Children without the freedom to go to school. Women and children in abusive marriages with no way out. Men, women and all other genders who don't have the freedom to experiment with their sexuality and gender. Non-heterosexuals who still don't have the freedom to love and marry who they want. Illiterate adults, orthodox individuals and corrupt politicians who don’t have the freedom to change because they don’t want to.  Because they won’t make that choice that will make a better country.The list is endless. 

I’ve been too negative, haven’t I? There are people who might argue with all this saying I must be grateful for what I have, all the freedom we have now as opposed to what we didn’t, 66 years ago. Sure. What freedom do you want me to be grateful for? That we can litter the roads and railway tracks freely without being fined? That people can set up slums and urinate and defecate wherever they want in the open? That we have the freedom to break traffic rules without worrying about a policeman because he can be shut up by addressing him ‘kaka’ and a hundred-rupee note? That we have the liberty to pay a lot of cash to speed up the work in Government offices, which should have been done on time in the first place? I am not sorry that I cannot be grateful for any of these, that I cannot celebrate our ‘freedom’. I’m tired and angry. Of everything. So don’t wish me a ‘Happy Independence day’ today. You’ll only piss me off.