The L word

Today, at work, as we shared a long session of laughs and gossip over coffee (which, mind you, doesn't happen too often in a college staff room), the conversation steered towards sex-change operations. It felt like I had to make a physical effort to not give my strong opinions an outlet. ‘Careful, Resh’, I had to tell myself. ‘You really like these people and they seem to adore you. You don’t want to mess it up.’ But thankfully, no one seemed to have an opinion about the subject, it was a general discussion of facts, about public figures, and people we knew in real life who underwent the procedure. And then, one of my colleagues commented on how a sex-change operation was still an accepted practice, but lesbians? Shee! I can never accept that!

Uh-oh. Now that awoke the dragon in my head to push my tongue out and breathe fire. I smiled with all 32 teeth, a thinly-veiled attempt to mask my indignation, and perhaps even trick my brain into thinking I wasn't annoyed. I took deep breaths the entire time, as out of four of my colleagues, one stood silent, one was on the fence, two vehemently argued with the whole ‘It’s not the natural order’, and ‘they cannot have kids’ and ‘the future generation will grow up confused’ arguments, while I tirelessly gave my much worn-out ‘Love has no gender, no race…’ speech, filled with examples of homosexual relationships that are complete families, and productive, happy individuals, and heterosexual marriages fucking it up.

I hope that the reader is not foolish enough to think for even a second that this essay has a happy ending. No, I did not change the minds of my colleagues by the end of our 90-minute debate. And although I did manage to shut them up with a lot of valid points, I doubt whether they actually took me seriously. I assume that they just didn’t argue further because they felt sorry for me. Speaking of which, the one colleague who was on the fence because she wasn’t against gay rights, she told me that she felt ‘sad' for ‘these people’.

Am I frustrated? Yes. Is it going to help? No.

Most people from my generation and older hold the same notions as my work family. And it exasperates me sometimes that nothing can probably change their mind, and they will always choose to be so narrow-minded about this issue. But I shoot this negativity out of my mind as soon as it enters.

The simple reason being, I wasn't born with a mind-set that stood up for gay rights either. I was born in a society that conditioned me to believe that man-woman relationships are the natural order, and any other kind of sexual association is not normal. Never mind that this is the same society that once got their 13-year old girls married to 70-year old men, and still continues to sanction marriages between uncles and nieces, and first cousins of the opposite gender.

Until one of my best friends came out to me, I didn't even think this was an issue to think about. And six years ago, I wasn't open-minded enough to understand that. Of course, I was like the teacher on the fence, I felt sad for my confused friend, not outraged that she had committed an unnatural crime. And then I saw how happy she was, the way she had never been in heterosexual relationships. How much emotional stability and maturity she gained in those few years after she finally started being honest with herself. I think that put a lot of things into perspective, and the process of opening my mind was an easy one, albeit still gradual.

That’s what I realized today. I probably had it easy, with the added benefit that I was younger. People are set in their ways. They are not to going to change their thoughts and opinions in a way that makes them uncomfortable. They are not even willing to question why they persistently stand up against some issues. 

So how are we going to change that? That’s the question I want to put out there by writing this. Because I am seriously stumped. I know that you can change the attitude of people with time, but how? When they all stand up against you together like this and you end up looking like the weirdo who fights for strange things or the child who hasn't seen much of the world and therefore talks in such idealistic terms.

Another thing that unnerves me is that people naturally assume that since I stand up for gay rights, I must be gay. My sexual orientation should have nothing to do with why I stand up for something I believe in. Do you have to be a wild animal to be a member of the PETA? But for those who ask – I believe strongly that people should be able to love whomever they want and share their lives with them the way they want irrespective of their gender. So long as they’re not encroaching upon your rights, what’s your problem?

A time will come, when there will be a chapter in the history textbooks around the world about how homosexuals were oppressed in the 21^st century, the same way women and blacks were in earlier times. Then there will be records of a revolution that changed everything, a revolution that is still in the making. Children and adults will be bewildered by the accounts of how gay individuals were treated, and be grateful that they live in a time when all this has passed. I really, really wish I live long enough to see that.